Building Effortlessly Cool + Calm + Collected Confidence
You see an image of me at 28 years old on an online platform after experiencing many hard, dark days. I want to make that very clear. I wasn’t documenting my life when I was a teenager and I definitely wasn’t sharing the ins and outs of my toxic relationship in my early 20’s when I was in it. You see me now. You see a woman who has climbed the corporate ladder just to jump off it, you see a confident bare-faced woman who shares her vulnerability through poetry and you see a woman who is comfortable enough in her own life experiences to go through a Life Coaching program so that she can help others feel how she feels: liberated.
LIBERATED IN HUMBLE CONFIDENCE. THE KIND OF CONFIDENCE THAT HAS TAKEN YEARS TO BUILD AND A LOT OF ALONE TIME TO FULLY COMPREHEND. THIS IS NOT CONCEIT, THIS IS SIMPLY SELF-ACCEPTANCE PAIRED WITH A TALL GLASS OF SELF-LOVE.
It’s as simple as that.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE + SELF-LOVE = HUMBLE CONFIDENCE.
It gives you that effortlessly sexy vibe. That cool-girl aura. You can have it too (and you don’t have to be a lady to achieve this, fellas can too).
Building confidence takes practice just like anything else. If you are anywhere close to where I was on my confidence journey when I first started you might feel like you are putting on a good front, you know, you seem confident on the outside but on the inside you’re anxious, constantly second-guessing yourself, and you have a hard time speaking up for yourself when it really matters. You might be prone to jealousy and take things personally and are quick to be defensive. I don’t mean to call you out and this is not a personal attack, this is where I was. I’m laying it all out there so that you know you are not alone in these feelings and frustrations.
OKAY, SO WE HAVE THE SOFT SPOTS ESTABLISHED. HOW DO YOU OVERCOME THESE FEELINGS AND GET TO THAT END GOAL OF BEING EFFORTLESSLY COMFORTABLE WITH WHO YOU ARE?
Here are my tips:
- WRITE OUT POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
- If you’ve followed me for a while you know that I am a BIG fan of the post-it note. I keep reminders on my bathroom mirror, my desk area, and my main mirror that I get ready in each day. These are high traffic areas that I know I’m going to see every day. These positive affirmations become engrained in your psyche.
- SAY NO MORE OFTEN
- This one was hard. Being a pushover is easy because that means no confrontation but that also means you have zero time for yourself because you are allowing everyone else to come before you. Say no. Say no thank you. You are allowed to be “busy” just to catch up on reading at home alone. Once you begin to value your time you will start to make space for the things you like to do, which will lead to you discovering what a cool person you are.
- VISUALIZE YOURSELF AS YOU WANT TO BE
- What do you see yourself as when you look cool, calm, collected, and confident? What does that person look like and what is the difference between that person you’re working towards becoming and the person you are today? Get clear and either create a vision board or write out in detail exactly how you visualize yourself when you’re confident. Being able to see an image gives you a clear direction of what you’re working towards.
- GIVE BACK TO SOMETHING THAT YOU CARE ABOUT
- The more you are adding value to something you care about, the more you will begin to take pride in yourself and what you do. For me, this looked like opening up a social media page where I could share my story and tips from my life. This allowed me to open up and also teach. This provided tremendous value to others and made me feel good about being so passionate about something that could help other people. What is that for you? It could be volunteer work, picking up trash to help Mother Earth, or starting your own online presence.
- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF + PRACTICE SELF-CARE
- Your mind is your toughest critic and it’s time to take ownership of it. When I realized that I had control over my thoughts and my thoughts didn’t have control over me, I was freed from the negative self-talk syndrome. You have the ability to do this as well. You can hush that inner voice in your mind and let it know that those thoughts are no longer in charge. YOU are in charge and this time you are only getting involved in positive self-talk and practicing self-care. You will give yourself permission to feel your feelings and know they are valid, you will bring awareness to the negative spiral you might find yourself in from time to time and most importantly you will take time to practice self-care. For more tips on self-care read my blog on Self Care 101.