Opening Your Energy + Emotional Availability
Have you ever felt like you were ready to start dating again and as soon as you do you get dropped into the sea of insecurities? Questions pop up. “Do I text them first?” “How long should I wait to follow them on Instagram so it doesn’t look creepy?” “Why haven’t they messaged me yet?” “Oh my god, I suck at dating” “Crap, crap, crap. I’m so anxious I don’t even know what I’m going to talk about” and so on.
I’d like to introduce you to what has been causing all this chatter in your mind, it’s the ego.
Ego: The identity part of self. Anything that comes after “I”. The story-teller part of the mind that judges and defines all of life’s experiences in order to feel security and safety.
Your ego is protective of your insecurities and it attaches to your personal fears which cause you to hide behind the walls you’ve been building since Sarah called you hairy in front of the class in 2nd grade. (Oh wait, that’s my personal story.. thanks Sarah.)
All of this is taking place in your mind, but soon you notice your heart rate starts increasing. You begin to check your phone every 5 minutes to see if they’ve responded to you yet or worse- checking to see if they’ve viewed your Instagram Story. You’re sucked into the anxious spiral of what dating in 2019 has turned into and you’re about ready to delete Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder, again.
These thoughts that have manifested into emotions have now turned into your behavior. All of that is happening in your energy field. Your energy field is what lives within you. Think of all the atoms that bind together into molecules that essentially turn into the universe… yeah, that same thing is happening right inside of you. You yourself are an entire universe.
When there is movement in your energy field, your instinctual reactions kick in. For example, when Chad doesn’t respond to your text but watches every single story as soon as you post, you immediately get annoyed and promise yourself when Chad finally reaches out you’re not going to respond either.
This is your ego trying to protect itself so there isn’t a disturbance to your energy field. The not-so-great news is that by protecting your ego you are locking in your insecurities. You’re holding them captive refusing them to be let go and released, which will ultimately lead to your mental freedom. If you keep trying to protect yourself in this way, you will not grow. When it comes to dating, this could be causing you to be emotionally unavailable. Think of all the walls your ego has built overtime trying to protect you from getting hurt and facing rejection.
So how do we turn this around so that your heart can be open and accepting of some good lovin? We must learn how to soften the ego.
By softening the ego, you can see all the parts of yourself with no division. To get to this level of awareness you must allow all parts of you to surface, even the ones you’ve been avoiding (your fears, insecurities and poor behavior patterns).
How can you practice this? The next time you become defensive or anxious notice that is not you.
That is a thought that has formed and you have the ability to change the thought or let go of the thought. You do not have to carry along in the thought. So, if Chad doesn’t respond, you notice it and let it go. You have the ability to let go of the thoughts that pile up in your mind that trigger emotions and depletes your energy. By bringing awareness to your thoughts you are fully conscious. You are mastering your mind, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
This will allow your walls to come down which will enable you to have emotional availability.
It comes down to a choice. A choice you may not have known existed, but now you do. You are not your thoughts, you have control over your thoughts. When you concentrate really hard on a specific thought (dating sucks, this is hard, I don’t know how to do this) you are filling that thought with energy which allows it to have the power of your emotions.
The more you can bring consciousness to your energy, the closer you are to your mental freedom.